The Story I Didn’t Know I Was Living

For a long time, I didn’t think anything was wrong. I thought I was responsible. Capable. Strong. Loving. I was the one who could handle things. At work, I worked for two people. Not because anyone forced me to. Because I believed that if I gave more, I would finally feel enough.

• I stayed efficient.
• Reliable.
• Productive.
• I stayed late.
• I solved problems that weren’t mine.
• I carried responsibilities no one explicitly gave me.

I told myself I was ambitious but beneath that ambition was a quiet hunger:

“See me.”
“Choose me.”
“Value me.”

The recognition I was chasing never really landed because you cannot fill a self-worth wound with achievement.

In relationships, I became the understanding one.

I didn’t ask for much. Actually, I didn’t know how to ask at all. When someone would ask me what I wanted, I would freeze. Not because I didn’t have desires but because I had never learned that my desires mattered.

I believed love meant

• Flexibility.
• Patience.
• Tolerance.
• Adaptation.

If something hurt, I adjusted.
If something felt off, I explained it away.
If I felt unseen, I told myself I was “too sensitive.”

I placed myself last so naturally that I didn’t even notice. It didn’t feel like self-abandonment. It felt like maturity.

In my own life, the pattern was quieter but just as damaging.

First came work.

Then responsibilities.

Then my daughter.

Then everything else.

And if there was time left, if there was energy left, maybe I would give some of it to myself. Often, there wasn’t.

• I stopped moving my body.
• I stopped making time for sport.
• I ate quickly.
• I rested poorly.
• I told myself I would start taking care of myself “when things calm down.” They never did.

My body reflected everything I was suppressing.

I gained weight. But more than that I gained resentment. I started looking at myself with frustration.

Why don’t you have more discipline?
Why can’t you get it together?
Why are you like this?

I didn’t see that I was exhausted from overgiving. I thought I was failing.

The shift didn’t happen because everything fell apart.

It happened because I asked one honest question: Why am I so tired?

Not physically. Existentially.

Why does everything feel heavy?

And slowly, painfully, I started seeing it. I wasn’t tired because life was too demanding. I was tired because I had no boundaries.

I wasn’t overwhelmed because I had too much responsibility. I was overwhelmed because I believed my value came from carrying it.

My self-worth wasn’t low in a dramatic way. It was quietly absent. And when self-worth is absent, overgiving feels normal. You don’t even question it.

So I started small.

Not with radical change, with awareness.

I began noticing where I said yes when my body said no.

• Where I overexplained.
• Where I volunteered.
• Where I tolerated.
• Where I silenced myself.

I started asking:

What do I actually want?

And the most confronting part?

At first, I didn’t know. I had built my identity around being needed not around being aligned. It took time to even feel what “I want” meant. But slowly, step by step, I began choosing myself.

Sometimes awkwardly.
Sometimes with guilt.
Sometimes with fear.

But consistently. I stopped staying late automatically. I stopped explaining my no. I stopped performing calm when I felt hurt. I started moving my body again not to punish it, but to reconnect with it. I started respecting my energy and something shifted.

• My body softened.
• My anger decreased.
• My relationships changed.

Not because I became colder but because I became clearer. Choosing myself did not destroy my relationships. It stabilized them. And the ones that couldn’t handle my clarity? They were never safe to begin with.

This is why I do this work now.

Not because I mastered perfection but because I lived the pattern. I know what it feels like to chase worth through performance.

To say yes automatically.

To believe love must be earned.

To abandon yourself so quietly you don’t even realize it.

• I help women rebuild self-worth from the inside out.
• I help them recognize where they are overgiving.
• I help them set boundaries without turning hard.
• I help them stop settling in love, in work, in life.

Not by becoming someone else but by returning to themselves.

If you see yourself in this story, you are not weak, you are not behind, you are not broken. You are likely capable, responsible, empathetic and exhausted. And exhaustion is often the first sign that your self-worth needs attention.

If you’re ready to begin recognizing your own overgiving pattern, start with my free guide:

5 Signs You’re Overgiving and How to Reclaim Your Power.

Because choosing yourself is not selfish. It’s the foundation of everything.

Always choose yourself.

Petra Alua 💞
Feminine Power Guidance